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They Were Having a Sale at the Gun Store

(The Jukes Boys)
Lyrics by: Leslie Fish

They were having a sale at the gun store; the Jukes boys decided to go
With the moonshine gone bad, and the poaching gone thin
Their business was doing quite slow
So they bought them a lot of hand-cannons, intent upon robb'ry and more
But they never once thought to consider
That they weren't alone in the store.

Next in line was a little old lady, and next was a handsome young dame
After her, came a man in a wheelchair
Then a lad with an underweight frame
They watched while the Jukes boys were buying, and considered what such boys would do
Then they looked at each other, they said not a word
But bought themselves hand-cannons too.

Well, that night Billy Jukes went out hunting; he spotted a girl who looked great
But when he pulled her into an alley
She pulled out a big 38.
He thought this was feminine bluffing; "Naw, girl, you can't shoot me," he said
Well, the very next second she proved he was wrong
And Billy Jukes quite lost his head.

Well, Joey Jukes went for the money, so he went to a big liquor store
And he hauled out his two-barrelled shotgun
The moment he walked through the door
He aimed at all present, and bellowed "Give me all ya got, or yer dead!"
So the counterboy lifted his 44 mag
And did just what Joey Jukes said.

Now, Beauregarde Jukes chose his pickin's with more care and planning by far
He jumped on a little old lady
Who was just getting into her car
But she promptly reached into her handbag and used the best choice she could make
For a 25 auto has such light recoil
As even a frail hand can take.

Now Roy Jukes was good at house burgling and still thought he'd escape without harm
When the owner rolled in with a shotgun
Braced on his wheelchair's arm
"Well, they'll bust you for shooting--" Roy started, but the man's shotgun cut off the lot
And he said, as he muscled Roy's corpse out the door
"There are no ballistics on shot."

So that was the end of the Jukes boys; the cops had to clean up the mess
So they slandered gun-owning civilians
All over the liberal press
But the victors who might have been victims go silent, although this is true:
So long as there's one weapon left in the world,
You better have you a gun too.

(Isaiah 33:22) For the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; he will save us.

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